Major Depressive Disorder, Major Anxiety Disorder and Major Depressive Bipolar Disorder. These were my diagnoses after staying 9 days in the inpatient ward of McLean Mental Hospital in Belmont Massachusetts. This was my explanation for years of self torture, apathy, and an unwavering pit in my chest. When I arrived at McLean, it was by ambulance. That drive in the back of the ambulance, was one of the hardest things I’ve ever come quietly too. Strapped down to that thin cot. The chill of winter air seeping into my flesh from the gaps in the doors. Every bump on the road pushed me into the straps of the cot, reminding me that I was trapped. Even the yellow street light peeping in through the rear windows, had a lonely shadow to it. It felt like my heart was going to burst.