The definition Mayo Clinic provides for BDD(Body dysmorphic disorder) is; a mental disorder in which you can't stop thinking about one or more perceived defects or flaws in your appearance — a flaw that, to others, is either minor or not observable. But you may feel so ashamed and anxious that you may avoid many social situations. I feel as though almost every person in my life including myself has struggled with this at some point or another and may even continue to struggle with it to this day. How do you stop self criticizing long enough to look in the mirror with unclouded eyes, and love what you see reflected back at you?
At the end of the day, feeling beautiful is all about self love. There are big woman and men who love every inch of themselves, believing their large size just means there’s more to love. And there are skinny folk who can’t stand what they see in the mirror, wishing day after day that there was less to be reflected back at them. That goes to show you size doesn’t matter when it comes to loving yourself. There’s no such thing as perfect, imperfectly perfect however, yes I do believe that exists.
I used to think I couldn’t even attempt to try loving myself until I lost weight. I thought that was a mission I couldn’t begin until I hit ground zero which looked like a thigh gap, slim tummy and arms that don’t jiggle when I wave hello. But that’s ridiculous. There’s no ideal start date to begin loving yourself. You just have to try. Once you love yourself it becomes infinitely easier to love others, and the world could really do with a little more love. Now I’m not saying I have it all figured out, and that every day I wake up believing I’m amazing. Most days I wake up wishing I didn’t wake up. However I’ve discovered a few things throughout the course of my life that made it a little easier to accept and love what I see in the mirror.
Step 1: Selective Social Media
I’m not saying to stop all social media or pick and choose the best ones and delete the rest. I’m saying be selective about what kind of social media journey you curate for yourself. When you scroll through your insta timeline is it filled with models or insta celebs who make you feel like shit? Who immediately inspire the gooey green glop of envy to start sludging through your brain? If yes, unfollow them! Unfollow every account other than your close friends whom you personally know. And start from scratch. Make your time line your dream board. Fill it with inspiring accounts. And verify those accounts. You want to lose weight? Follow a fitness account! But verify their journey. Do they actually work out everyday? Are the workouts they’re doing relatively easy to try? Are the dietary supplements they promote healthy and useful or just another way or them to make a paycheck? Never forget that social media is curated to only show the best side. Only follow accounts for which you truly resonate with or believe their story. And use them as motivation. Reach out to those people! Make them real(as if they aren’t already lol but other than a photo on a screen make them real to you). Ask them questions instead of brooding and speculating ‘oh they were just born with perfect skin’ or a great figure. You don’t know these people or what they’re choosing to hide from you. So be smart and selective in your social media journey and use it constructively to help you not hurt you.
Step 2: GET NAKED IN THE MIRROR
GET NAKED AND LOOK AT YOURSELF! I’m being deadass. Get naked and really stare at yourself. Memorize your curves and your shapes. Stare down those imperfections and flaws until they’re smaller than your brain has blown them up to be. And then try to love them. Rather than find something you love in yourself everyday, find something you hate. Ask yourself can this be changed(through dieting/exercise or surgery)? Do I really need to change it? Why do I feel the need to change it? Do I really hate it or does it not fit societal standard of beauty? Do I want to fit societal standard of beauty? Do I need to fit societal standard of beauty? Is there anything about this flaw I like? Love? Could I ever love it? Do this over and over again at least 20 minutes a day(before or after a shower) until you start recognizing the destructive patterns of thinking you have towards your own body and begin to change them. I’m telling you it works. The amount of times I thought in my head how ugly and fat I was hiding under leggings and huge sweaters until I was forced to look at myself every single day and started to realize that my mental image and the image in the mirror did not match up. And the image in the mirror, was actually pretty beautiful.
Step 3: Track Negative Thinking
Be it in the notes app on your phone or in a physical notepad, try to keep track during the day how often you think badly about yourself. Write down exactly what you thought, even if it was just a surge of emotion. Write where you were, what you were doing and try to pinpoint exactly what caused you to have that thought and feeling. That’s it. That’s the whole step. Just track your thinking, you may or may not be surprised by how often you think negatively towards yourself. And once you begin to put it down on paper, it gets a little easier to challenge those thoughts. And to question their validity. And replace them with more truthful and positive thoughts and emotions toward yourself. Pinpointing what exactly caused those thoughts and emotions also makes it easier to stop putting yourself into situations or environments that will stimulate that negative thinking and stop whatever other bad habits stimulate that negative thinking.
Step 4: Dressed Good Feel Good
This last one is kind of silly but just as important. Get an outfit you feel safe in. One you feel like the shit in. And one you think you can’t pull off. Try to wear all three once a week. Of course vary it up you’re not Spongebob you can change the fit, but the feeling behind each fit needs to be as previously stated. Get used to the stares that are real and the ones in your head. Practice not caring. And then practice appreciating. Strut a little when you know someone is looking. Give them something to look at. A person who loves themselves. I promise that day by day, it won’t matter what outfit you wear, you’ll feel like the shit all the time.
Those are my four tidbits of advice. I hope they help! Remember you’re not alone, and you’re beautiful wether you believe it or not. And one day with some work, you will believe it too.